See you in two months (not moths, I don't know how that would even work)!

Huh... I have no idea what to say. I was going to write something terrifically snarky and unspeakably hilarious, but I think I talked about toilets too much on the other blag and kind of sabotaged myself because all I can think about are toilets. Which is a very serious topic that touches all human beings.

Also, please don't poo in the woods. 

Why did you do a trade study about glue?

Um, why not? But actually, what happened was that we sat down to do wedding invitations and well, we aren't pros at this. This is what I originally posted on Facebook:

Time to do some more wedding invitations!

Me: let me try to optimize this process. Hmm... this bottle of glue must function perfectly. I will spend hours in pursuit of this goal. 
Zac: we need the perfect music for this. Let me find it.
Me: I think I hurt my face blowing water through the glue nozzle. Better idea... Let me do a glue trade study. Ah ha! Something called "YES! Paste" looks very promising. Let's keep testing.
Zac: my sink is gross and draining slowly. Now is clearly the time to investigate!

...

PASTE

Result of sticky shit trade study: "YES! Paste" wins. Summary, WITH CURSING:

Mod Podge: makes all your shit curl up, even thickass card stock. And drips. And oozes out when you stick the things together because it is impossible to apply the correct fucking amount. And it makes everything stick to my fingers which I hate. 
Score: mostly sucky

Elmers Glue: why the fuck won't you come out of the fucking bottle!? I went climbing this morning and am also not a vice grips robot! Did I buy the asshole kind of glue!? Wtf.
Score: fuck you

Glue stick: I don't own a glue stick and I'm not a child
Score: no

Hot glue gun: What!? These invitations are not made of felt.
Score: nah

Stapler: ...
Score: get the fuck out

Super glue: I don't want all the invitations stuck to my fucking fingers, so let's just put that down.
Score: I said put it down!

Blood: the fuck!? No! Whose blood!? Get away!
Score: aaahhhhhh get out of my house!

Yes Paste: hey, this is really great! I found a flat scraper thing to apply it with and it worked perfectly. Dry enough not to bend my shit, and sticky AF. It looks a lot like earwax, but in a good way!
Score: I'd eat it.

...And none of this would have happened if I'd known that some bullshit called "backing cards" does not come already attached to the back of the fucking invitation! Like, sorry I haven't exactly been married enough times already to know that, assholes!!

YESSSSSS PASTE!!

Unhelpful status update #3ish

So today I found a place that makes giant headgear made of PLANTS. So, be prepared. I also just got a really bad case of the hiccups and have no idea what else I was going to tell you! So... to be continued.

Boring status post!

I feel like it's tradition to share way way way more information about this process than anyone actually wants to know, so you'll now be subjected to my version of this, which I shamelessly inflict upon you. If your initial response to this is "eurrrgh, what?" just skip it. You've been warned.

Things we have: An awesome wedding planner (Hi Emma!!), our venue (yeah, it would be weird to invite you somewhere we hand't reserved, huh? But I checked and they definitely deposited the check! Ha!), basic food, lodging for everyone (you can book your own hotel and commute up if you want, I guess, but ??? why? *shrug* suit yourself!), a dress (guess which one of us is wearing it??? HUH??? surprise!), and as of today, an excellent wedding photographer (Hi Allison!!)!! 

My favorite part, the remaining action item list...

  1. Come up with a list of photos we want, ideally ones that will annoy my mom. If she asks, tell her that yes, the photography contract DOES state that I will only be photographed while making ridiculous faces and/or wearing a mask. Because at a wedding you should be your true self, right? And my true self is best expressed with absolutely horrible facial expressions and alarming sinister masks.
  2. Find a giant crown
  3. Talk myself out of wearing a giant crown
  4. Reconsider: maybe it should involve antlers and/or cactuses?
  5. Figure out what parts of the food to upscale. Probably will not involve massive crab legs, but depends on exactly how massive these legs can be. No. 
  6. What is the most cost-effective yet awesome-sounding karaoke setup we can rent?
  7. Decide whether we want to file in in front of the guests (risking tripping, forgetting how to walk, really unfortunate concentration faces, etc.), descend dramatically from the trees, or make the guests file in while WE watch THEM! Decisions, decisions.
  8. Figure out exactly how tall my traditional Wedding Combat Boots can be
  9. Determine whether I'm capable of doing my own makeup (suspicion: probably. The operative word is "slather" in these situations right?)
  10. Find a hair-wrangler, possibly for both of us since we both have unruly hair. Seriously, I've been quite sick with the Disgusting Sinus Thing, and it took me a full hour to return my hair to being individual strands this afternoon when I finally started to feel better after lying about piteously for a couple days. There's no way. Help meeee.
  11. Invitations, I guess. That's less fun, but I suppose necessary.
  12. Figure out which friend of ours would be most uncomfortable officiating, and ask them to do it. Heh heh heh. Just kidding! Maybe.
  13. CRAFTSSSSS FOR FIVE MONTHS STRAIGHT! I'm gonna make a bouquet out of rocks! Yeah you definitely don't want to catch it unless you really like rocks falling on you! The chairs will be stacks of mason jars covered in burlap! Not slidey with a potential to break into shards near your hindquarters at all! We'll all be eating off of organic tree stumps and using rustic stalks of wheat as utensils! The centerpieces will be live chickens! I heard barn weddings are the thing now so that makes sense, right???

So, there you have it. The last one might be a slight exaggeration, but you really can't be sure, now can you. Aren't you excited???

 

Hello, friends and loved ones!

Please give us your contact info on the Initial RSVP page! We want to know where to send save the dates, and perhaps more formal invites later if we get around to that! Just kidding. We'll do that. Probably. If you need the password, let one of us know through some form of email or social media or whatever!

Good news, the wedding is definitely on, we have the camp reserved, and Zac and I are still pretty into the whole getting married thing. So that's good! Yay.

Another blaaag post!

Scoured my computer for nice pictures of the elusive Zacalena. Turns out we are very very difficult to photograph. So I've added a few pictures to the Sappy Pictures page, and will continue to update it whenever I can stand to look at my own face that long. I'd rather just upload pictures of Zac all day, but I guess that would be weird on a wedding website. 

Cheeeeers!